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The Nic and Linds of Yore

By on Dec 20, 2009No Comment
The Nic and Linds of Yore

Nicole Richie, adorable, demure designer, author and hip chick baby mama is set to star in an ABC sitcom. That she developed. In collaboration with some top creatives from 30Rock. This is a true story.

Lionel’s little girl has come a long way from her days of Simple Life shame. When’s the last time Wrong Way Richie did anything, well, wrong?

This vacuous little nugget set me to lamenting the Nicole of yore, the instigating, truck driver-tongued, anorexic daughter of a Commodore famous for doing very, very bad things.

Lest more time passes and we catch coquette Richie next striding across a Malawian field stuffing her Louis Vuitton with orphans, lest we collectively risk forgetting our wild child’s stoned, bobble-head, famewhoring antics, we reflect on a Nicole who “other than exist,” wrote the Urban Dictionary in 2006, “contributes nothing to society. Her uselessness makes her other useless buddy, actress Lindsay Lohan, seem like a humanitarian.”

The spoiled brat roots of our blossoming primetime flower. Gone. Dust in the wind. Sniff sniff.

But what, you ask, of her frenemy? Of la la Lohan’s blossoming?


Somewhere, glowing in hues of glitterati orange, bedecked in Jack and cigarettes, a crown of heart-shaped Ungaro pasties about her head, her skin fresh with the scent of another vulgar and unconvincingly naughty French photo shoot, Lindsay is suffering the herald of Nic’s 360 too, provoking us into a deeper lament on the blossoming of the humanitarian Nic left behind.

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